Lots going on

Well, I haven't blogged in a while. I seem to be doing this,or that, or the other. We have had a trying time here lately, and I think I brought it on myself. On July 20, 2006 my grandmother, the only grandmother that I have really known, passed away. About 2 weeks prior to that I was feeling the leading of the Holy Spirit to go and speak with my grandmother about heaven and a relationship with Jesus Christ. Well, a week went by and I was reminded again to go. I again became too "busy" with things and never got over there. Well, I came home from church on Wednesday night about 8:30 on the 19th and thought that I should call her and see if she felt like having company for about an hour. But, again I didn't. On Thursday morning about 2:30 am I am awakened by the phone. It is my mother asking me to come to my grandmothers. One thing you must know, my grandmother lived just around the corner from me. I knew my mother wouldn't be calling me that time of the morning if it wasn't vitally important. So, I got into my car and drove as quickly but safely as I could to her house. And, my greatest fears had come true. My grandmother had passed away. I was devastated but I needed to be strong for my mother. I didn't tell my mom about what was going through my heart and mind for 2 weeks because I didn't want to depress her more. So, my husband listened to me go on and on about what kind of a Christian can I be if I couldn't even talk to my own grandmother.
Well, a month later and my car has completely quit on me and my husbands truck you have to push to start it. We are not doing well financially, which is one reason why I still do not have a car. I have sinned and I know it. I think that my sin has brought this on not only myself but my family as well. I am currently trying to get back in the good graces of God and it is a hard road. Just as parents must correct their children God must correct his own. This is my correction and I am not liking it but I am still trusting Him and leaning on His understanding not my own.