Lacking

Throughout this holiday weekend I have found out a few things about myself. I have found myself lacking in an area of my life that really needs work. Patience is the ability to bear trials without grumbling. I am also told that patience is a virtue. I find myself lacking THAT particular virtue.
James 1:3 "Knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience."

I have this feeling that my faith will be tried. I realized that I don't have much patience when it comes to my children. I came to this realization at the gas station, of all places. I had asked my son to do something for me. He is 8 and gets very distracted sometimes. I know this yet every time he gets that way it irritates me. I find myself asking him why he can't follow my simple instructions. I also realize that I call him and his sister "crackhead" a lot. I don't know why and I don't know where I picked it up at. I am pretty sure that I heard my sister saying it but not quite certain of that. I am not blaming her for it. I can choose whether to use it or not. At the gas station I found myself calling my son that and yelling at him because he couldn't follow my simple instructions. I also did not concern myself with the fact that I had an audience of several people. I am ashamed of myself and feel like I am not a good mother to my children. My husband, son and myself were on our way to my in-laws house on Saturday. I found myself crying the whole way there. My husband assumed it was because I didn't want to go to his parents house but that is a whole other story. But what it was is that my HEART was BREAKING!! I couldn't handle the fact that I would deliberately HURT someone I loved that way. I reminded myself of my own earthly father. I don't want to be known like him! I want to be known like my Heavenly Father. Full of love and compassion for all. I need patience when it comes to my children. I expect a lot out of them. I don't know why. They are only 11 and 8. They can't be expected to know and do everything PERFECT. I just need to keep reminding myself that.

So, Father God I am officially asking for patience with my children. I know that the trying of my faith develops patience. I know that it is going to be hard but I also know that You don't place more on us than we can handle. I know that You will put on me what I need, and I know that You will be patient with me to help me through it. Help my Lord to know You more and to show Your love to my children and all those around me. Continue to work in my heart and life as You have been. Keep us in Your kind and loving hands. I ask all this in Your Precious and Holy Name. AMEN

God's Presence

I can not begin to tell you how wonderful our Sunday Worship service was at church. God was there! I say that because since moving to the San Antonio area, we have been to a LOT of churches trying to find the one that God wants us to be a part of. I believe that this is the church that God's wants us to attend, and I believe He confirmed that by sending His presence to dwell among us on Sunday morning. I don't even remember what songs we sang. All I remember is pouring my heart out to God and asking His forgiveness, because I have failed in sooo many areas that I am totally surprised and in awe that He would touch me the way He did Sunday. He began a work in me on Sunday and I am working really hard to keep that going throughout this week.

Knowledge

My husband is a very smart man. I wish sometimes I had that kind of head knowledge. I would love to sit down with people and chat about science and the theory of relativity but that just does not interest me. I am more of a practical smarts type person. Going off that, I don't know God as well as I should. I should read His word but don't. I don't know why. I love to read. I guess this is just something I must ponder on throughout my day and see what happens.

I can see the Sun!

You know how after a storm there are still clouds. Well, the torrential rain and never ending wind that has seemed to buffet me over the past month seems to be gone. There are still clouds, still a possible chance of a storm. But, off in the distance I can see the beginning rays of the sun. I know that things will be okay. I Know that God has supplied and will continue to supply all my needs according to His riches in Glory. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that things are turning around and will get better all for His glory. All I need to do is to ALWAYS remember to say thank you and to humble myself before Him everyday. I KNOW my Redeemer lives! I KNOW who is in charge of my days! I KNOW who has only good planned for me. His Name is JESUS!!! My wonderful councelor, my friend. JESUS

STORMS!!

There is a song called "Praise you in the Storm". I don't know if you have heard it but it has become my theme this past couple of months. Some of the lyrics are

I will praise you in this storm
And I will lift my hands
because of who you are
no matter where I am
And every tear I cry
You hold in your hand
you never left my side
though my heart is torn
I will praise you in this storm

There has been a mighty storm blowing in our lives this past year. I feel like one of the disciples on the boat telling the Master "don't you care that we parish". I know that He cares and that He is there but a little help would be nice. I have never lost my faith that God would come through but I am slowly losing hope. And I know that without hope there is nothing. I don't want to lose hope. Please keep us in your prayers.