Who knows

I find myself being pulled in many directions right now. I know that part of the reason is because I have not spent the time I know I need to in prayer. Reading the Word is no problem, but I find myself at a loss for words when it comes to prayer. I have ceased praying for myself. I have people that are always praying for me and that is great and I love it. It takes a special kind of person to put aside everything that I know is going on in their lives to pray for others. I have come to a place of consistency. That is good in a way but bad in others. I love the work I do. I work at a christian preschool as a teacher. It is great work, but I find myself being pulled away from my husband and children. I hate that part. This job is taking about 12 hours of my day, that leaves 8 hours for sleeping, about 2 hours with my kids and 2 hours with my husband. I could cut out the sleeping but then what good would I be. I good Godly marriage takes time, I feel like I am lacking in that area. I was home sick on Friday and when my kids got off the bus they saw my car in the driveway and immediately started howlering "Mom's home, Mom's home". Made me stop and think about a few things. Who knows how this will turn out. I will trust God in ALL THINGS!

Thanksgiving 2007

I just wanted to say to all Happy Thanksgiving. This is my last thanksgiving in my 20's. In 5 days I turn 30. I am not sure if I like that thought or not. I am thankful that God has giving me nearly 30 years on this earth. I am praying for at least 30 more. I was happy to be turning 30 but now I am not so sure. I have this feeling that I am not where I should be but I do know that I am doing what God wants me to right now. Wow! I think I just confused myself. And so it begins. :o) Oh well.

Church

At our church we have three services. But it isn't the usual three like others. We have a Sunday morning, a wednesday night, and a saturday night. Sunday morning and Saturday night are preaching and alter calls and a POWERFUL worship service. Wednesday is a indepth bible study. I said all that to say this. :o) Last night I went to church after 2 weeks of not going. There has been this sickness going on thru the house and I think we are all just about over it. But last night I was sitting there and one of our members from the worship team came over and started talking to me. I felt it was kind of strange at first considering that she has a broken foot. But she came over and started talking to me and was asking me what was wrong. So I told her about all the sickness that we were going thru and how I am just sooo tired of being sick. I just don't have the energy to do the things that I think need to be done. She just looked and me and said to me the simpliest of phrases. I have heard it before but for some reason it really hit home. She said, " Just worship and give it all to God." We still had a few minutes before church started so I sat there and began to tell God ( as if He didn't already know) what I was feeling and how tired I was. The music for the service began to play and all the songs were about how wonderful and mighty God is. How Holy He is. I just began to sing "Holy" over and over again. The Spirit of God came over me and I felt peace. It was a wonderful feeling. I don't remember feeling that level of peace in my life for a long time. After church I got to thinking about something that was said during our chapel time and the preschool that I work at. She said that God is waiting to hear from us. It doesn't have to be anything big just a simple "Hello" or "I love you". Then I was remembering something that our pastor last night said. He said " How can you have a relationship with someone if you dont' talk to them?" I then began to realize that my prayer life is NOTHING like it once was. The relationship that I loved so much was gone and I didn't even realize it. WOW!!! This post may not ever get read by anyone but me but at least I can look back and remember. If you are reading this Have a blessed and wonderful day in the Lord.

Sowing and Reaping

I am reminded of a verse.
2 Cor. 9:6
But this I say, He which soweth sparingly shall reap also sparingly; and he which soweth bountifully shall reap also bountifully.
Which brings me to another verse which during my reading this morning I found.

Psalm 126:5
They that sow in tears shall reap in joy.

He that sows sparingly shall reap sparingly. Have you noticed that when things are bad you are crying out to God for help and usually (with me) there is a lot of crying. God knows each tear you shed whether it is tears of joy or tears of sadness. How awesome to know that He hears us and He cares enough to know each tear we shed. I can't help but think of all those Christians out there in pain and wondering why this or that is happening to them. Wanting and needing a break of some kind. But instead of turning to the world for answers they are Crying out to God. But now I am reminded of the verse I found this morning that states " They that sow in tears shall reap in joy." With that joy comes a peace as well. How sweet that peace is. So, if you are trevailing and crying but of good cheer for joy comes in the morning. Just know that you are being prayed for. Even if I don't know your name you are on my heart.

Childhood

I was watching my class of 15 3yr. olds and figured out something. Adults are no different really. I mean look at it. We don't just walk up and hit someone because they took our toy away but we do hurt them other ways. If someone says something or does something that we don't like or don't agree with we start "hitting" each other with our words. Words are very dangerous. They can hurt people so badly that they never want to be around you or talk to you anymore. And when things don't go our way we may not actually stomp and throw a fit but you can tell when someone is sulking. They will have this look on their face like you just kicked their dog. They may be smiling on the outside but on the inside they are boiling mad and hurt. I have decided to watch my words. Keeping our words non-hurtful is a good example for my children. I have also noticed that they know when you are not happy. It makes their day not so good either. Just a soapbox that I find myself on sometimes. Probably pertains to no one but me but oh well. At least it is now in writing.

A couple of things

I have been praying for months that God would send me the job that I desire. I mean after all, He said He would give us the desires of our hearts. Well, on Sunday August 19, I was looking through the paper and discovered several different jobs that I fill would fit my gifts and talents. So, on Monday the 20th I called and I had 3 different interviews set up for Wednesday the 22nd. There was one in particular that I thought God really was calling me to. It happened to be the first interview of the day. I walked in and felt God with me. As if He were walking right beside me up the stairs to the office. It was the most comforting feeling I have felt in years. I wasn't nervous or even jittery like I usually get before an interview. Just peaceful. I was sitting there talking to the lady and telling her a little bit about myself and why I felt I should get the job. While in the middle of the interview she started talking about what would be expected of me each day and that is when I realized that she was asking telling me that I had the job. I was sitting there talking to her for an hour and a half and left with a new job. She was asking when I could start and she said that if it was up to her she would send me home to eat some lunch and change into something to play with kids in and have me back that afternoon. I was shocked and in awe. I couldn't believe it. I had a new job. It was a great feeling. The whole way home I was praying and crying and just thanking God for all He had done and was continuing to do in my life. My stress level has gone down tremendously since I started this new job. My voice level has actually gotten better as well. I don't loose me temper as much either.

Each morning we (my class and I) start our day with praise and worship. On fridays we have chapel. It is a wonderful feeling to know that God is a part of this school in every aspect. Have a great and blessed day in the Lord.

Revelation

I have realized something about myself that is not very flattering. I am like a cobra. I strike at anyone I feel is a threat to me. I get very defensive if anyone starts to question the reason as to why I do this or that. I am tired of being on the defensive all the time. If someone has something to say about me oh well. Maybe I am what they said and if so I can learn from it and go on. I will no longer "strike" back. That doesn't help anyone. I will not criticize, condemn, or complain. This is probably for no one but me. But at least it is now documented. Have a great day and keep smiling. It makes your day brighter and you never know who might need to see it.

Hurting

I woke up this morning and I was hurting. It felt like my whole insides were going to bust. My breathing was ragged and the only position that was comfortable was the fetal postition. The only thing that came to mind was a plea. It wasn't really a pray because it sounds so unlike me. I was pleading and whining. Please God take this pain away. After about 20 minutes or so the pain was completely gone. I realized something though. There are a lot of people hurting in this world and not just from physical pain. Their hearts are litterally hurting and they don't know why. It is our job as Christians to show them the way to ease that pain. I can remember being a sinner and how miserable I was. There were times when I thought I was going to die. I am so glad that God through his infinate mercy and grace decided that I was worth saving. There is still time to reach them. That is our job as lights in this dark world.

Spiritual Gifts

I have been chating with this lady at work and she was asking about spiritual gifts, and one would go about finding out what their gifts were. I went online and found her a spiritual gifts test to take. Then I got to thinking, it has been about 4 years since I took a spiritual gifts test so I took one last week. I knew that I had grown stronger in some areas and weakened in others but wasn't for sure which ones. I was amazed to find that Faith instead of helps is my number 1 spiritual gift followed closely by music and then teaching. I was completely shocked to learn that my faith had grown so much. Then God reminded me of last year. Last year we were having a long and hard time of things, but deep down I KNEW that God was there and that everything was going to be taken care of. He would not put more on us then we could handle. I had to stay strong. There was already one of us falling apart. With God's help and strength I was able to stand and be strong knowing that God is on our side, and if God be for you who can be against you? I will never forget what He brought me from to where I am today. I think Him for that each and everyday. There is a song that goes:

Jesus I'll never forget what you've done for me
Jesus I'll never forget how you set me free
Jesus I'll never forget how you brought me out
Jesus I'll never forget, no never.

That is my prayer and my anthem right now. I will never forget.

If

If you could go back to the day that you were saved, what would you differently? Would you do all the things that you have done the same? Me personally, I would do things a little bit differently. I know that there would be changes to my life and maybe that would be acceptable. Sometimes you have to break a few eggs to make an omlet. So they say. Would you change anything and what would it be? For me, I would have continued my journey with the Lord instead of backsliding.

Where did it all go?

I have a question and I am not exactly sure how it is going to be answered. Some people will say it hasn't left it is still here or go there and you will find it. My question is. What happened to the worship service? Where did it go? I don't understand. I think this blog is just going to be a bunch of jibberish. Sorry about that. I just dont' know how to put it. What is wrong with a church when they decide that a service is no longer a service but a concert to see how loud we can get the music or see how much dancing can go on. I know for sure that that is not of the spirit. Yes, there are instances where people dance in the spirit but not like this service was. I do know that feel of the Holy spirit and that wasn't it. To be of the flesh is enmity with God. You can't have both. You either are flesh or Spirit. Paul said he died daily. That is what we need to do. Die daily to the flesh, don't give in. With God's strength it is possible.

My daily reading

As my sis-in-law always says "don't skip over the scriptures". I was reading this morning and came across this scripture.

Psalm 119:1-8
1. Happy are people of integrity, who follow the law of the Lord.
2. Happy are those who obey his decrees and search for him with all their hearts.
3. They do not compromise with evil, and they walk only in his paths.
4. You have charged us to keep your commandments carefully.
5. Oh, that my actions would consistently reflect your principles!
6. Then I will not be disgraced when I compare my life with your commands.
7. When I learn your righteous laws, I will thank you by living as I should.
8. I will obey your principles. Please don't give up on me!

These verses were taken from the New Living translation Version. But I just wanted to comment on a couple of them. My heart was truly touched by these verses. I would like you to reread verse 5 and verse 8.
Verse 5 is talking about our actions. Basically, everything we do. Be is grocery shopping or visiting with friends. My actions WILL consistently reflect His principles. Verse 8 the last part states simply "Please don't give up on me!" Right now that is my hearts cry. Please Lord, don't give up on me! This verse lets me know that the writer of this was human and he did make mistakes just like us. But with God's grace and mercy He manages to look down at us and help us fix the mess we made. Thank you God for that.

The Blood

I found this in my email and thought it was a great story.

THE BLOOD
One night in a church service a young woman felt the tug of God
at her heart.

She responded to God's call and accepted Jesus as her Lord and Savior.
The young woman had a very rough past, involving alcohol,
drugs, and prostitution.

But, the change in her was evident. As time went on she became
a faithful member of the church.

She eventually became involved in the ministry,
teaching young children.

It was not very long until this faithful young woman
had caught the eye and heart of the pastor's son.

The relationship grew and they began to make wedding plans.

This is when the problems began.

You see, about one half of the church did not think that a woman
with a past such as hers was suitable for a pastor's son.

The church began to argue and fight about the matter.

So they decided to have a meeting.

As the people made their arguments and tensions increased,
the meeting was getting completely out of hand.

The young woman became very upset about all the things
being brought up about her past.

As she began to cry the pastor's son stood to speak.



He could not bear the pain it was causing his wife to be.
He began to speak and his statement was this:

"My fiancee's past is not what is on trial here.
What you are questioning is the ability of the blood of Jesus
to wash away sin.

Today you have put the blood of Jesus on trial.
So, does it wash away sin or not?"

The whole church began to weep as they realized that they had been slandering the blood of the Lord Jesus Christ .
Too often, even as Christians, we bring up the past
and use it as a weapon against our brothers and sisters.

Forgiveness is a very foundational part of the Gospel
of our Lord Jesus Christ .

If the blood of Jesus does not cleanse the other person completely
then it cannot cleanse us completely.

If that is the case, then we are all in a lot of trouble.

What can wash away my sins?

Nothing but the blood of Jesus ! End of case!!!!
"Cast thy burden upon the Lord, and he shall sustain thee
he shall never suffer the righteous to be moved."

Psalm 55:23

God's Grace

I was reading "My utmost for His highest" by Oswald Chambers yesterday and he was talking about the grace of God.

"Let circumstances take you where they will, but keep drawing on the grace of God in whatever condition you may find yourself. One of the greatest proofs that you are drawing on the grace of God is that you can be totally humiliated before others without displaying even the slightest trace of anything but His grace."

He goes on to say that the grace of God you have today won't be sufficient for today. How each day you need to pray and ask God for His grace for today. He also states that prayer is the practice of drawing on the grace of God.

How many times in your prayer life (me) do we just ask God for His grace? Instead of using prayer time to ask for certain needs , or for just getting our hearts ready to hear the word preached at church.

I am here by the grace of God. It is my honor to pray and seek His face.

Lord, help me to remember this. Please help me to not take my prayer life for granted. Help me to draw on your grace each and every day. Amen.

Blessings

I am really a nobody. I don't have a lot of friends and really that is ok with me. If I had too many friends I would be way too busy. I know me! :o) But I am sitting here at 9 at night thinking about how blessed I really am. I went to work this morning at 9:30 and didn't get home until 6:30pm. That really is a long day. I would much rather be here at home with my kids and my husband spending quality time with them. But, despite that, I am BLESSED. I am blessed to have two beautiful children who have no physical ailments that hinder them in anyway. They love me if when I have to discipline them which is really hard to do. I have a wonderful husband whom I have been married to for 10 wonderful years. We just click so well together. I couldn't imagine my life without him in it. I am blessed because he loves me and respects me. Not many men these days treat their wives the way I am treated. I am BLESSED. I came home tonight from work to find that this lady whom I am proud to call a friend has sent me a care package. This lovely lady has sent me some clothes. Now, some of you may be thinking "wow clothes" but it really isn't what she sent but that she remembered me and sent them to me. This blog entry is mainly an entry to remind me that no matter what happens I am BLESSED. God is amazing.

???

I am currently on a quest. It is a quest that I put myself on. I want more of God. I want to hear His voice better than I do now. The list of wants is long. I don't want them to better myself, I want them to know Him more.

Hotels

I have decided that hotels are of the devil. We have been staying at this really nice hotel. You know that saying that states" If it seems to good to be true then it probably is". Well, I have learned that the hard way today. As I went to check my bank account I find that the hotel has not only charged us for the days we intially booked but and extra one as well. Well, that would have been fine if it would have showed up yesterday so we could have gotten it fixed for today. As it is we are 6 to 7 hours from home and have enough money to buy one tank of gas. I know there is a lesson here somewhere but at this time I am just not seeing it. I can't really call anyone and ask for money because they would have to put it in my bank and then we still couldn't use it until tomorrow. I hate feeling helpless. Oh well, I guess that is just the way things work around here. Have a great and blessed day in the Lord.

Hello again

I just wanted to come online and tell everyone (all one of you) hi. I haven't been posting for a few days because I am on vacation. I am loving it by the way. A much needed rest and joining of the family. We have had so much fun. When you are on vacation it is like all the cares in the world are gone and nothing matters anymore. At least that is the way I feel. Sadly though, all good things must come to an end. We will be heading home tomorrow morning. I am sad to leave but will eqaully be glad to be getting back home. I miss my bed and my 50 million pillows. At least that is how many my husband counts each night. LOL :o) Oh well, I guess that is all I wanted to say today. Have a great and blessed day in the Lord. For all of you in Gainesville, TX my prayers are with you. Sleep well all!

Changes Part 2

My post from earlier was talking about changes. Well, some changes have happened. Not very good ones I must say. I was at work when my sister calls. She called to tell me that my uncle had a heart attack and when they got him to the hospital they couldn't revive him. My uncle passed away this evening. I am very sad. I loved my uncle very much but that is really not why I am sad. Unless he talked with God before he passed on then I know where he is spending his eternity. That is what makes me sad and broken hearted. Please if you are a christian and are reading this I am asking for your help in praying for my dad (Lester). This is hitting him really hard. He did CPR on my uncle until the ambulance got there. I can only imagine what is going on in his mind and heart right now. My dad is unsaved. He really needs the Lord in his life. Please help me pray. Thank you and God Bless you all.

Changes

There are a few things that will be changing in my world. I can't wait. I have this anticipation that God is in it and all around it and is is going to be sooo good. We are blessed beyond measure. Things are good and I just want the Praise Him for all he has done and all that He will do. Because believe it or not I am 30 but He is still working on me. I love that song
He's still working on me
to make me what I ought to be
Can't help it. I am just insanely happy today.
Have a great and blessed day in the Lord.

Vacations

I go on vacation in 4 days. I can't wait. I don't get paid from work for going but I can't wait to go. I need a break and feel like this is going to be a good one. Sometimes you just need to get away. I just want rest. I realized the other day that mine and my husbands lives are boring without the kids. My husband and I were home alone yesterday and after a couple of hours I announced "I'm Bored". It didn't take long for me to realize that my life without the kids is nothing right now. My life revolves around them and what is best for them. I don't mind. It gives me things to do. God is so good to grant me children that are healthy and love to worship Him.

I can only imagine

You are in your car driving home. Thoughts wander to the game you want to see or meal you want to eat, when suddenly a sound unlike any you've ever heard fills the air. The sound is high above you. A trumpet? A choir? A choir of trumpets? You don't know, but you want to know. So you pull over, get out of your car, and look up. As you do, you see you aren't the only curious one. The roadside has become a parking lot. Car doors are open, and people are staring at the sky. Shoppers are racing out of the grocery store. The Little League baseballgame across the street has come to a halt. Players and parents are searching the clouds. And what they see, and what you see, has never before been seen. As if the sky were a curtain, the drapes of theatmosphere part. A brilliant light spills onto the earth. There are no shadows. None. From whence came the light begins to tumble a river of color spiking crystals of every hue ever seen and a million more never seen. Riding on the flow is an endless fleet of angels. They pass through the curtains one myriad at atime, until they occupy every square inch of the sky.North.South.East.West. Thousands of silvery wings rise and fall in unison, and over the sound of the trumpets, you can hear the cherubim and seraphim chanting, Holy, holy, holy. The final flank of angels is followed by twenty-four silver-bearded elders and a multitude of souls who join the angels in worship.
Presently the movement stops and the trumpets are silent, leaving only the triumphant triplet: Holy, holy, holy. Between each word is a pause. With each word, a profound reverence. You hear your voice join in the chorus. You
don't know why you say the words, but you know you must. Suddenly, the heavens are quiet. All is quiet. The angel's turn, you turn, the entire world turns and there He is. Jesus.Through waves of light you see the silhouetted figure of Christ the King. He is atop a great stallion, and the stallion is atop a billowing cloud. He opens his mouth, and you are surrounded by his declaration: I amthe Alpha and the Omega.The angels bow their heads. The elders remove their crowns. And before you is a Figure so consuming that you know, instantly you know: Nothing else matters.Forget stock markets and school reports. Salesmeetings and football games. Nothing is newsworthy.All that mattered, matters no more.... for Christ has come.

School

I find myself torn today. I was hit with some news which I think is great, but it is a bit pricey. The college in my town is opening its campus to kids from grades 2-6 to go to college for a week and see what it is like. They will actually be learning as well. My 9 year old told me she would really like to go. I want to send her but who knows. God is our provider and with His help I know that we will be able to let her go. It amazes me that see just gets out of school for the summer and she wants to go to school during the summer instead of playing outside all the time. WOW!! I have the most wonderful, terrific children in the world.

The end is near

Tomorrow is the last day of school for the kids. They can't wait. My son is happy because he is not a morning person and my daughter is happy because she will get to go and spend the night at people's houses. In about 2 weeks and a few days we go on vacation. We can't wait. We began looking forward to this time of the year around Christmas. Trying to decide where we are going to go and that sort of thing. I usually leave that task up to my husband. He is very good at that sort of thing. I just realized while sitting here it has gotten as dark as 8 or 9 o'clock at night outside. Yeah! more storms. Don't get me wrong we really need to rain around here but does it have to come in gully washers instead of a nice steady spring shower. Oh well, who am I to question what God has in store for us. I think I have rambled on enough for the day. Have a great day.

Things and Stuff

I really didn't know what to title this blog. I have been struggling with this blog since Wednesday ( May 16). On Wednesday night we went to church and the teaching was wonderful. On Wednesdays the preacher doesn't preach really but more along the lines of teaching. Which is good. I love to be taught. In Romans chapter 12 it talks about the measure of faith. My pastor said that every man is given a measure. Picture if you will a circle and you are in the middle of that circle. That is your measure of faith. What is in that circle is what you can directly affect. If you are a parent it is you kids and spouse. If you are a teacher then it is your classroom of children. Things like that. The prayer of Jabez asks that God expand our boarders. How can God expand our boarders when we don't even take care of what is in our little circle? If God was to bless us with more, how do we know that it won't kill us or drive us away from Him. If you are praying for a home of your own ( and I am talking to myself) then look at the house your are in now. Are you caring for it the way you should? God wants to bless you but He won't give us more than we can carry either. Sounds like a contradiction doesn't it. But really it is not when you actually stop and think about it. The gist of this. Take care of what God has given you first before you ask for more. Be content with what you have and with where you are. If no one else gets this but me at least I am on the record as to knowing what it is that I need to be working on. Have a great and Blessed Day.

Pleasures

Pleasure in the dictionary means: desire, inclination 2. a state of gratification: enjoyment. 3. a source of delight or joy.

There are many things that bring about this pleasure. Serving God gives me pleasure. To know that there are just simple little things that I can do for Him when He has done so much for me. But I find myself finding pleasure in other things as well and wondering to myself if I should. For instance, I LOVE to get my nails done. Not only does it feel really good to be "pampered" some but my hands always seem to look really pretty to me. Is that wrong? I think that is the only thing that really and truly brings me pleasure that really seems worldly. I seriously think that I could cut out tv watching and that not bother me. I guess the question that is bothering me is "Is it wrong to find pleasure is something as simple as getting a manicure?"

Promotions

Everyone that works knows what it is like to be offered a better position in the company. Well, that offer came to me yesterday. I was called to the office and was asked if I would like the job of working in the office. This job consists of all nights 12:30-9:30, but it will get me out of the department that I am currently working in permanently. I really don't like the department I am working in right now. Let me take you back a little bit. When I was first hired on for this company the manager and I sat down and discussed some issues. Mostly the fact that I wouldn't work on Sundays and not on Wednesdays past 5. He said that would be no problem we can do that and so he wrote it on my hiring contract that I wouldn't work on Sundays and not on Wednesdays past 5 signed by both him and myself. And he told me that if anyone scheduled me on those days at times to come to him and he would fix it. I said great. Well , when he offered me this new position I assumed the same still applied. So when he told me about the night thing something was niggling at my brain. So I asked him about it. You should probably also know that now we go to church on Saturday night not Sunday morning. So I asked him about Saturday nights and Wednesday nights. He said "I can't guaranty you those evenings off". Wow, what has changed. I don't think my hiring contract has. I just looked at him shocked and he said why don't you go and think about it and let me know yes or no before 5 this evening. I said ok. So, I went back to my work and instead of thinking about it I was praying. When I went on my last break for the day I called my husband and told him what was going on. He wasn't happy. Talking about how the company wanted on pagans working for them and told me to ask the boss if I also needed to sacrifice a goat for him. That sort of thing. My husband gets very intense sometimes. But that just makes me love him all the more because I know he cares. So, anyway, I got off the phone with him and went to the office to talk to the boss. I prayed the whole way to the office. Did I mention the job came with a raise too. When I got there he told me to have a seat and I said that I would rather stay standing. I began to tell him that I appreciated the offer, but I couldn't turn my back on my God, my church and church family, or my home family for that matter. Those things make up who I am and the reason I am a hard worker. That is just me! I can't see myself not going to church that is something that has become a part of me. He said that he respects my decision and that if I was ever willing to make that "sacrifice" to let him know.

I thought that I would be upset about this but I find myself at peace about it. I think that is what made the devil soooo mad. Yesterday when I got home he decided to try and use my children. I am so sorry to hear that. Because I will FIGHT tooth and nail for my kids. The devil can't have them. I won't allow it. I had to discipline my son yesterday. Twice. Anyone who knows me knows that that is not what I do. Moms are supposed to be soft and gentle. They have tender hearts just like a child. Those hearts can be broken very easily. Well, my heart was broken and it felt like it was never going to mend. It is still sore in spots but better. I don't think I have ever cried as much as I cried yesterday. My world seems to be in an uproar but I am still not stressed about it. I know that God has a plan and I am trusting Him to see me through. I would like to leave you with a couple of verses that were shown to me.
Psalm 37:4,5
4. Delight thyself also in the Lord; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart.
5. Commit thy way unto the Lord; trust also in him; and he shall bring it to pass.

God's Plans

God's plans for my life are unclear at this time. I know that there are things that He wants me to do. I am willing to do them. After all I am just an empty vessel without Him. But sometimes He says "wait". It is in that time of waiting that you start to wonder. "Is this really what God wants me to do?" If this is something He wants me to do then why can't I do it now? We as human beings can be so impatient. But I am sorry I am not praying for patience right now. It seems like everytime I do that something drastic happens and then I am left wondering why. Then I remember! AAAHH, I prayed for patience and now my son is trying my patience. I wouldn't say I am an impatient person but sometimes it hits me pretty hard. I think at this time I just need to step back and take a look at myself. I think I am going to have to pull myself out of ministry for a while. I am not where I need to be at this time and I need to spend more time with God. Wow, I don't know why I just told you that. I don't know you and you could probably care less about me and my situation. This blog was not meant for confession. I am not catholic. Sorry! :o( Maybe that is what God is trying to get me to do. Stop and just talk to Him and listen to Him for a while. I think at this time I should just sit at His feet and learn. And so from today till He calls me to work again that is what I am going to do.

Days off

I think I worried my husband yesterday. Yesterday was my day off and so that is what I chose to do was to actually have a day OFF. I went and did my workout like normal and went and visited an old friend. It started off a normal everyday kind of day for me. Then I decided that I wanted to do NOTHING. And for me, my days off are usually spent cleaning the house and getting things ready like laundry for the week. That sort of thing. But not yesterday. I actually took the day off. My husband and I went and picked up the kids and then we all went grocery shopping. And if you have two small children, you know that them and the grocery store really don't mix well. Every aisle you go down you hear "Mom can we have" "Mom can we buy". I really hate to tell my kids no. I want them to have things they want but sometimes you have to say no. And during the whole grocery trip it felt like I was saying no every 2 minutes. I was really starting to hate hearing that word come out of my mouth. Well, the trip finally ended and we came home. After several minutes of me putting away the groceries and one kid runing in and out of the house and the other asking questions about homework I finally sat down. I sat down and put my feet up and took out my note pad and began to write. Nothing particularly interesting but just a few question that were floating in my head.
1. What do I like about myself?
2. What do I not like about myself?
3. What can I do to change what I don't like?
4. How much time each day does God get from me?
5. How much time each day does my husband and kids get from me?
6. Have I lost my "kid at heart" status?
7. If yes, then When did I lose it?

Those are just some of the questions. After I wrote them all day I just sat there thinking about each one. The kids were outside in the backyard playing with friends so it was very quiet in the house. I love the peace and quiet of my home. While sitting there not coming up with any answers to those questions I realized that I was doing exactly what God wanted me to do at that time. There was this sense of peace about me and just sitting there for one hour gave me rest. A rest that felt like nothing before. I am thankful for a God that can show you peace and comfort in times when you didn't even know you needed it.

Growing

How do you know when you are growing? Will it actually be painful? When I was younger I always heard my mother saying you are just having "growing pains". Are those true? And if they are is your spiritual growth going to be painful as well? I know that there are somethings that you must go through but does it all have to hurt? How do you know if the pain you are feeling is from growth or just something stupid that you have done that you shouldn't have? Lots and lots of questions. I was always told there is no such thing as a stupid question. I am hoping that one of these didn't break that rule. LOL :o)

Being Angry

When my husband and I first meet 10 years ago. There were a few people who thought that we should not be together. Well, my boyfriend at the time (which is now my husband) decided that he had gotten his confirmation from God and we got married without the consent of two people who I thought were the most important people to him. Well, one person came to the wedding and the other didn't. To me that was selfish and just down right spiteful. I have held my peace for 10 years and it has come to me that I am angry. It has taken me 10 years to figure that out. I AM ANGRY! I AM ANGRY! Why would someone who says they love you and only wants what is best for you simply turn his back on you? Which is what "John" did to my husband. I have been reading my sister-in-laws blog and she has been talking about "perfect love". I don't have that and I am not sure that "John" has it either. And because I said that my sis-in-law will probably be writing me an email. :o) And that's ok. But I have been reading about David and he was angry. David was a man after God's own Heart. If he can be angry why can't I. I can be angry and sin not. I have been nothing but kind to "John" these past 10 years and I will remain that way. But I am still angry with him for what he has done to my husband. He hasn't said he was sorry or that He was wrong. "Jane" on the other hand has said that she was wrong and that I have been very good for my husband and for that I am not angry with her. I hold no resentment towards her. I love her with all my heart and pray for her daily. I want only good things for her. And if that means praying for "John" then I will. "Perfect Love", I believe, takes time. I am praying for that Love so that I can let go of this anger. I know that one day I will be able to let go, and love those who despise me, but it will take a while.

Get a Clue

Have you ever heard that saying, "Get a Clue"? I have and I still think it applies to me today. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that there is something that I need to do. The thing is I am scared. I have taken my concerns to the Lord and still I am scared. I know I need to just trust and obey as the song says but sometimes that is just hard to do. I guess I will just have to do just that.

How do you know?

How do you know when it is God telling you to do something or if it is something that you would really like to do and so you tell yourself that it is God. I am listening but don't hear anything. I have been told that if it is something out of your comfort zone then it is God. Is that right? How do you know? If anyone has any suggestions at all please let me know. I am in a fix here.

Romans chapter 8

Romans chapter 8:6
For to be carnally minded is death; but to be spiritually minded is life and peace.

I don't know about you but having life and peace sounds really good to me. It is not just any peace but a peace like no other. Peace in this world is hard to find. Things are always going on and there seems to be no time to rest and just enjoy things but then again there are those rare times when it is possible. One piece of advice, don't let things get out of hand.

Being Tired

Have you ever been so tired that everything on your body ached. Even your teeth! I have, and let me tell you it is no fun at all. On Sunday morning I help my husband with his job from 3 am to about 5:30 am. Usually I get to come back home and sleep for 2 or 3 hours and then go work at my job. But not this past sunday. When I got through helping my husband at 5:20 I came home, changed clothes and headed straight to my job. I had to be there at 6 am. I was so exhausted by the time 3 pm rolled around that I came home, took a shower and went to sleep. My recomendation if I am actually qualified to give one is never, ever let yourself get so tired you can't even think straight. At 3 pm that afternoon I got in my car to head home and cried and prayed that the Lord would drive my car home for me. I was miserable. God helped me through that and I know that He will help me with other things if I just keep my eyes on Him.

Singing

I had to work today at 6 am and was running a tad bit late. I have to leave my house no later than 5:45 so that I have enough time to get there just in case of car problems or I happen to hit every light in town on my way. Don't act like you don't know what I am talking about. We all dislike those street lights and their timing. Anyway, back to what I was talking about. I didn't feel rushed or anything I was just behind. So, while I was at work I was doing dishes and just started to sing. I was singing "How great thou art". It's an old hymn but a very good one. I didn't even realize what I was doing until one customer heard me and said something about it. It was like I was in my own little world and no one was there but me and God and I was singing to Him. It wasn't like an audition or anything it was just me singing to my creator about how great He is. I seemed to have a much better day after that. It is amazing to see what having a song in your heart will do for you.

Things the Lord detests

I was reading in Proverbs this morning. I really don't know why unless it was to find this one particular passage. I know that God hates sin. But I never realized that there are 7 yes that is what I said 7 things that the Lord detests.
1. haughty eyes
2. lying tongue
3. hands that kill the innocent
4. a heart that plots evil
5. feet that race to do wrong
6. a false witness who pours out lies
7. a person who sows discord among brothers

this is found in Proverbs 6:16-19

Wow! I don't think I ever really knew that. Don't get me wrong. I have read that passage before but it never really sunk in I guess. How much do we really know about the One who saved us? Can you really say that "Yes, I know God" and truely mean it. I can say that I know God. Because in a sense I do. I know that Jesus was born of a virgin, dyed a horrible death on a wooden cross, was placed in a tomb and rose again on the 3rd day. When He left to sit on the right hand of God the Father He sent the Holy Spirit as a comforter to help us and guide us. But is that all we know about the Maker of Heaven and Earth. The One who died for us so that we might live. I want to know more. I have to know more. I have this yearning to know more. Don't let your fire go out. Dont' be satisfied with the little bit that you do have. It is okay to want more of God. I do!

Sins

I have decided that no matter what there is sin in my life and all around me. I look at myself in the mirror and HATE what I see. I don't hate myself but the sin that is in me and around me. Lord help me. Cleanse me and make me whole again. I have slipped away from you in so many areas of my life that I can't feel you anymore and I don't hear your voice speaking to me. I am lost without you. Hear my feeble pleas oh Lord. Quench not your Holy Spirit from me. I am hlepless on my own. You know my thoughts and you see my heart. Keep me in your loving care.

Struggles

Since October of 2006 I have been doing an exercise and diet regimen. I started going to a place called Curves. It is for women only which helps and kinda is the reason that I still go. I think if the place was swarming with men I wouldn't go. Since starting this, I look back and notice several changes. My family and I don't eat out anymore. There are changes in what I eat and how much I eat as well as when I eat. I don't really call this a struggle. What I consider a struggle is the fact that is pretty much is the all "ME" show. My trainer keeps saying "You must make time for yourself". To me that is selfish. For the past 10 years or so it has been about what others want. Not that, that is a bad thing. I really like making sure that others are happy and well cared for. But when do you finally decide that you have put others ahead of you so much that you don't konw how to do something nice for yourself?

My God has given me a weird brain. Things bounce around in there and some of it spills out for you to read. I hope that you have a great and wonderful day.

Sisters

I have a sister-in-law that I used to think of as my sister. We were close. We were best friends. Or at least I thought so. But for some reason I have "dropped the ball" so to speak. I don't know how or why but for some reason we are not as close as we once were. We are more like casual friends. People who put up with each other because they have to. I miss the friendship and comradry that we once had. I wonder is God ever feels that way about us? He created us in His image. But do we thank Him or even just sit down and talk to Him for more than just prayer requests of I need or could you please. If you really need it God will give it to you in His time. Just sit and talk with Him better yet, Listen. Just say "God I am here to listen to your voice and heed your advice". Maybe that is all I need to do with my sister. Love ya Netterz :o)

Hugs

I was in church on Sunday during the praise and worship time and realized just how tired I was. I don't know why that feeling came over me because all week long I was not feeling tired at all. We sang a new song in church called "The More I Seek You", it was the best song I had heard all week long. During this song the Spirit of God was in this place. You could see it on the faces of the people around you and you could feel it so strongly in building. My son, when he feels that he just gets a weepy. So, I bent down so I could talk to him in his ear. I told him "David, all you need to do is reach out and God is there. He is always there for you. If you need a hug just reach up and ask for a hug." And at that point I realized, I needed that hug. I know that I am not where I need to be in the Lord but I know that I am not where I once was. Thanks to God's Love and Mercy He saved me. I also know that He didn't come just to save me but to save all and that is now my goal. To talk to as many people as I can about God and what He has done for them. That is not just my calling but all who claim to be Christians. I had such a peace about me yesterday at work that I actually calmed a customer down just by smiling and lowering my hand to let her know that I do hear her and that the problem is being taken care of. I was so amazed at how God was working through my life yesterday. It was the greatest feeling in the world. On the way home from work I was praising and worshiping the Lord and He was right there with me. I couldn't have been any happier than I was at that moment, to have the Creator of this world, my Lord and Savior take time to be with me in my car. I have never felt so blessed.
Thank you Lord

Helping

Being helpfull is good. But how do you know who gets help first? Is it someone in the church or your neighbor next door who knows you are a christian and needs some help? We, as christians, are the light of the world. I know that God guides us and leads us but does He actually tell you who to help or does He let us decide which one needs it more. Those in the church are called to be ministers to those that are lost and need help finding their way. I want to help them find their way.

Faithfullness Part 2

Faithfulness: Making faith a living reality in one's life.

Matthew 24:45 says
Who then is a faithful and wise servant, whom his lord hath made ruler over his household, to give them meat in due season?
46 Blessed is that servant, whom his lord when he cometh shall find so doing.
47 Verily I say unto you, that he shall make him ruler over all his goods.


I pray each day that if the Lord does come that day that He finds me faithful. We are told that God just wants all of you. All the broken pieces everything. Just be a willing vessel totallycomitted to doing the will of God. Is that Fatihfullness? Is faithfullness different for each person?

I am sorry about this post my brain is flying in so many different directions right now it is hard to keep up. My next post will be better unless I can't resolve this and then who knows where it will go. But I would like to leave you with one thought. God is still in control no matter what the situation. So I know that I will get the answers that I seek if I just continue to ask the Creator of all things. Be Blessed and be a Blessing today. :o)

Faithfullness

I have a question. I am hoping that someone who reads this can let me know. Is faithfullness all that God requires? I have been wrestling with this question for nearly a week and can't seem to find the answer. If anyone knows or has any ideas please feel free to let me know.

Stuff

It is amazing how much stuff you can learn from a blog. There is a lot of stuff that you can learn about just from talking to people or reading things they write. Strength comes from God. All good gifts and perfect gifts come from God. Strength isn't one of the gifts that that verse is talking about I know but I believe that everything we have comes from above and we should be thankful for all that we have and do not have but will be getting if only we ask. Ask and it shall be given, seek and ye shall find, knock and the door shall be open unto you. You have not because you ask not. Remember just ask.

Love

I woke up this morning and rolled over and just looked at my husband. While laying here blatantly starring, with him not knowing it, realizing just how much in love with him I am. When I was young I always said that I wasn't going to get married and wasn't having children. It is amazing how things really work out. It is the same with God. Have you ever just been sitting there thinking about Him and all that He has done for you and realized how much you really REALLY love Him? Again, it is simply amazing.