God's Plans

God's plans for my life are unclear at this time. I know that there are things that He wants me to do. I am willing to do them. After all I am just an empty vessel without Him. But sometimes He says "wait". It is in that time of waiting that you start to wonder. "Is this really what God wants me to do?" If this is something He wants me to do then why can't I do it now? We as human beings can be so impatient. But I am sorry I am not praying for patience right now. It seems like everytime I do that something drastic happens and then I am left wondering why. Then I remember! AAAHH, I prayed for patience and now my son is trying my patience. I wouldn't say I am an impatient person but sometimes it hits me pretty hard. I think at this time I just need to step back and take a look at myself. I think I am going to have to pull myself out of ministry for a while. I am not where I need to be at this time and I need to spend more time with God. Wow, I don't know why I just told you that. I don't know you and you could probably care less about me and my situation. This blog was not meant for confession. I am not catholic. Sorry! :o( Maybe that is what God is trying to get me to do. Stop and just talk to Him and listen to Him for a while. I think at this time I should just sit at His feet and learn. And so from today till He calls me to work again that is what I am going to do.

Days off

I think I worried my husband yesterday. Yesterday was my day off and so that is what I chose to do was to actually have a day OFF. I went and did my workout like normal and went and visited an old friend. It started off a normal everyday kind of day for me. Then I decided that I wanted to do NOTHING. And for me, my days off are usually spent cleaning the house and getting things ready like laundry for the week. That sort of thing. But not yesterday. I actually took the day off. My husband and I went and picked up the kids and then we all went grocery shopping. And if you have two small children, you know that them and the grocery store really don't mix well. Every aisle you go down you hear "Mom can we have" "Mom can we buy". I really hate to tell my kids no. I want them to have things they want but sometimes you have to say no. And during the whole grocery trip it felt like I was saying no every 2 minutes. I was really starting to hate hearing that word come out of my mouth. Well, the trip finally ended and we came home. After several minutes of me putting away the groceries and one kid runing in and out of the house and the other asking questions about homework I finally sat down. I sat down and put my feet up and took out my note pad and began to write. Nothing particularly interesting but just a few question that were floating in my head.
1. What do I like about myself?
2. What do I not like about myself?
3. What can I do to change what I don't like?
4. How much time each day does God get from me?
5. How much time each day does my husband and kids get from me?
6. Have I lost my "kid at heart" status?
7. If yes, then When did I lose it?

Those are just some of the questions. After I wrote them all day I just sat there thinking about each one. The kids were outside in the backyard playing with friends so it was very quiet in the house. I love the peace and quiet of my home. While sitting there not coming up with any answers to those questions I realized that I was doing exactly what God wanted me to do at that time. There was this sense of peace about me and just sitting there for one hour gave me rest. A rest that felt like nothing before. I am thankful for a God that can show you peace and comfort in times when you didn't even know you needed it.

Growing

How do you know when you are growing? Will it actually be painful? When I was younger I always heard my mother saying you are just having "growing pains". Are those true? And if they are is your spiritual growth going to be painful as well? I know that there are somethings that you must go through but does it all have to hurt? How do you know if the pain you are feeling is from growth or just something stupid that you have done that you shouldn't have? Lots and lots of questions. I was always told there is no such thing as a stupid question. I am hoping that one of these didn't break that rule. LOL :o)

Being Angry

When my husband and I first meet 10 years ago. There were a few people who thought that we should not be together. Well, my boyfriend at the time (which is now my husband) decided that he had gotten his confirmation from God and we got married without the consent of two people who I thought were the most important people to him. Well, one person came to the wedding and the other didn't. To me that was selfish and just down right spiteful. I have held my peace for 10 years and it has come to me that I am angry. It has taken me 10 years to figure that out. I AM ANGRY! I AM ANGRY! Why would someone who says they love you and only wants what is best for you simply turn his back on you? Which is what "John" did to my husband. I have been reading my sister-in-laws blog and she has been talking about "perfect love". I don't have that and I am not sure that "John" has it either. And because I said that my sis-in-law will probably be writing me an email. :o) And that's ok. But I have been reading about David and he was angry. David was a man after God's own Heart. If he can be angry why can't I. I can be angry and sin not. I have been nothing but kind to "John" these past 10 years and I will remain that way. But I am still angry with him for what he has done to my husband. He hasn't said he was sorry or that He was wrong. "Jane" on the other hand has said that she was wrong and that I have been very good for my husband and for that I am not angry with her. I hold no resentment towards her. I love her with all my heart and pray for her daily. I want only good things for her. And if that means praying for "John" then I will. "Perfect Love", I believe, takes time. I am praying for that Love so that I can let go of this anger. I know that one day I will be able to let go, and love those who despise me, but it will take a while.

Get a Clue

Have you ever heard that saying, "Get a Clue"? I have and I still think it applies to me today. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that there is something that I need to do. The thing is I am scared. I have taken my concerns to the Lord and still I am scared. I know I need to just trust and obey as the song says but sometimes that is just hard to do. I guess I will just have to do just that.

How do you know?

How do you know when it is God telling you to do something or if it is something that you would really like to do and so you tell yourself that it is God. I am listening but don't hear anything. I have been told that if it is something out of your comfort zone then it is God. Is that right? How do you know? If anyone has any suggestions at all please let me know. I am in a fix here.

Romans chapter 8

Romans chapter 8:6
For to be carnally minded is death; but to be spiritually minded is life and peace.

I don't know about you but having life and peace sounds really good to me. It is not just any peace but a peace like no other. Peace in this world is hard to find. Things are always going on and there seems to be no time to rest and just enjoy things but then again there are those rare times when it is possible. One piece of advice, don't let things get out of hand.

Being Tired

Have you ever been so tired that everything on your body ached. Even your teeth! I have, and let me tell you it is no fun at all. On Sunday morning I help my husband with his job from 3 am to about 5:30 am. Usually I get to come back home and sleep for 2 or 3 hours and then go work at my job. But not this past sunday. When I got through helping my husband at 5:20 I came home, changed clothes and headed straight to my job. I had to be there at 6 am. I was so exhausted by the time 3 pm rolled around that I came home, took a shower and went to sleep. My recomendation if I am actually qualified to give one is never, ever let yourself get so tired you can't even think straight. At 3 pm that afternoon I got in my car to head home and cried and prayed that the Lord would drive my car home for me. I was miserable. God helped me through that and I know that He will help me with other things if I just keep my eyes on Him.

Singing

I had to work today at 6 am and was running a tad bit late. I have to leave my house no later than 5:45 so that I have enough time to get there just in case of car problems or I happen to hit every light in town on my way. Don't act like you don't know what I am talking about. We all dislike those street lights and their timing. Anyway, back to what I was talking about. I didn't feel rushed or anything I was just behind. So, while I was at work I was doing dishes and just started to sing. I was singing "How great thou art". It's an old hymn but a very good one. I didn't even realize what I was doing until one customer heard me and said something about it. It was like I was in my own little world and no one was there but me and God and I was singing to Him. It wasn't like an audition or anything it was just me singing to my creator about how great He is. I seemed to have a much better day after that. It is amazing to see what having a song in your heart will do for you.

Things the Lord detests

I was reading in Proverbs this morning. I really don't know why unless it was to find this one particular passage. I know that God hates sin. But I never realized that there are 7 yes that is what I said 7 things that the Lord detests.
1. haughty eyes
2. lying tongue
3. hands that kill the innocent
4. a heart that plots evil
5. feet that race to do wrong
6. a false witness who pours out lies
7. a person who sows discord among brothers

this is found in Proverbs 6:16-19

Wow! I don't think I ever really knew that. Don't get me wrong. I have read that passage before but it never really sunk in I guess. How much do we really know about the One who saved us? Can you really say that "Yes, I know God" and truely mean it. I can say that I know God. Because in a sense I do. I know that Jesus was born of a virgin, dyed a horrible death on a wooden cross, was placed in a tomb and rose again on the 3rd day. When He left to sit on the right hand of God the Father He sent the Holy Spirit as a comforter to help us and guide us. But is that all we know about the Maker of Heaven and Earth. The One who died for us so that we might live. I want to know more. I have to know more. I have this yearning to know more. Don't let your fire go out. Dont' be satisfied with the little bit that you do have. It is okay to want more of God. I do!

Sins

I have decided that no matter what there is sin in my life and all around me. I look at myself in the mirror and HATE what I see. I don't hate myself but the sin that is in me and around me. Lord help me. Cleanse me and make me whole again. I have slipped away from you in so many areas of my life that I can't feel you anymore and I don't hear your voice speaking to me. I am lost without you. Hear my feeble pleas oh Lord. Quench not your Holy Spirit from me. I am hlepless on my own. You know my thoughts and you see my heart. Keep me in your loving care.

Struggles

Since October of 2006 I have been doing an exercise and diet regimen. I started going to a place called Curves. It is for women only which helps and kinda is the reason that I still go. I think if the place was swarming with men I wouldn't go. Since starting this, I look back and notice several changes. My family and I don't eat out anymore. There are changes in what I eat and how much I eat as well as when I eat. I don't really call this a struggle. What I consider a struggle is the fact that is pretty much is the all "ME" show. My trainer keeps saying "You must make time for yourself". To me that is selfish. For the past 10 years or so it has been about what others want. Not that, that is a bad thing. I really like making sure that others are happy and well cared for. But when do you finally decide that you have put others ahead of you so much that you don't konw how to do something nice for yourself?

My God has given me a weird brain. Things bounce around in there and some of it spills out for you to read. I hope that you have a great and wonderful day.

Sisters

I have a sister-in-law that I used to think of as my sister. We were close. We were best friends. Or at least I thought so. But for some reason I have "dropped the ball" so to speak. I don't know how or why but for some reason we are not as close as we once were. We are more like casual friends. People who put up with each other because they have to. I miss the friendship and comradry that we once had. I wonder is God ever feels that way about us? He created us in His image. But do we thank Him or even just sit down and talk to Him for more than just prayer requests of I need or could you please. If you really need it God will give it to you in His time. Just sit and talk with Him better yet, Listen. Just say "God I am here to listen to your voice and heed your advice". Maybe that is all I need to do with my sister. Love ya Netterz :o)

Hugs

I was in church on Sunday during the praise and worship time and realized just how tired I was. I don't know why that feeling came over me because all week long I was not feeling tired at all. We sang a new song in church called "The More I Seek You", it was the best song I had heard all week long. During this song the Spirit of God was in this place. You could see it on the faces of the people around you and you could feel it so strongly in building. My son, when he feels that he just gets a weepy. So, I bent down so I could talk to him in his ear. I told him "David, all you need to do is reach out and God is there. He is always there for you. If you need a hug just reach up and ask for a hug." And at that point I realized, I needed that hug. I know that I am not where I need to be in the Lord but I know that I am not where I once was. Thanks to God's Love and Mercy He saved me. I also know that He didn't come just to save me but to save all and that is now my goal. To talk to as many people as I can about God and what He has done for them. That is not just my calling but all who claim to be Christians. I had such a peace about me yesterday at work that I actually calmed a customer down just by smiling and lowering my hand to let her know that I do hear her and that the problem is being taken care of. I was so amazed at how God was working through my life yesterday. It was the greatest feeling in the world. On the way home from work I was praising and worshiping the Lord and He was right there with me. I couldn't have been any happier than I was at that moment, to have the Creator of this world, my Lord and Savior take time to be with me in my car. I have never felt so blessed.
Thank you Lord

Helping

Being helpfull is good. But how do you know who gets help first? Is it someone in the church or your neighbor next door who knows you are a christian and needs some help? We, as christians, are the light of the world. I know that God guides us and leads us but does He actually tell you who to help or does He let us decide which one needs it more. Those in the church are called to be ministers to those that are lost and need help finding their way. I want to help them find their way.

Faithfullness Part 2

Faithfulness: Making faith a living reality in one's life.

Matthew 24:45 says
Who then is a faithful and wise servant, whom his lord hath made ruler over his household, to give them meat in due season?
46 Blessed is that servant, whom his lord when he cometh shall find so doing.
47 Verily I say unto you, that he shall make him ruler over all his goods.


I pray each day that if the Lord does come that day that He finds me faithful. We are told that God just wants all of you. All the broken pieces everything. Just be a willing vessel totallycomitted to doing the will of God. Is that Fatihfullness? Is faithfullness different for each person?

I am sorry about this post my brain is flying in so many different directions right now it is hard to keep up. My next post will be better unless I can't resolve this and then who knows where it will go. But I would like to leave you with one thought. God is still in control no matter what the situation. So I know that I will get the answers that I seek if I just continue to ask the Creator of all things. Be Blessed and be a Blessing today. :o)

Faithfullness

I have a question. I am hoping that someone who reads this can let me know. Is faithfullness all that God requires? I have been wrestling with this question for nearly a week and can't seem to find the answer. If anyone knows or has any ideas please feel free to let me know.

Stuff

It is amazing how much stuff you can learn from a blog. There is a lot of stuff that you can learn about just from talking to people or reading things they write. Strength comes from God. All good gifts and perfect gifts come from God. Strength isn't one of the gifts that that verse is talking about I know but I believe that everything we have comes from above and we should be thankful for all that we have and do not have but will be getting if only we ask. Ask and it shall be given, seek and ye shall find, knock and the door shall be open unto you. You have not because you ask not. Remember just ask.

Love

I woke up this morning and rolled over and just looked at my husband. While laying here blatantly starring, with him not knowing it, realizing just how much in love with him I am. When I was young I always said that I wasn't going to get married and wasn't having children. It is amazing how things really work out. It is the same with God. Have you ever just been sitting there thinking about Him and all that He has done for you and realized how much you really REALLY love Him? Again, it is simply amazing.

Christmas

It is Christmas time again. At first I was not happy or excited about it. My grandmother died in July of this year. She was the only grandparent I had left and she was the one that me and my sisters were the closest to. But now, I am totally looking forward to it. I can't wait to see my kids faces when they open their presents. It is going to be a great day. Not just because of the presents and fun but because the greatest gift of all was given to all. I love Christmas. I hope and pray that everyone has a great Christmas this year and every year to come.