Lacking

Throughout this holiday weekend I have found out a few things about myself. I have found myself lacking in an area of my life that really needs work. Patience is the ability to bear trials without grumbling. I am also told that patience is a virtue. I find myself lacking THAT particular virtue.
James 1:3 "Knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience."

I have this feeling that my faith will be tried. I realized that I don't have much patience when it comes to my children. I came to this realization at the gas station, of all places. I had asked my son to do something for me. He is 8 and gets very distracted sometimes. I know this yet every time he gets that way it irritates me. I find myself asking him why he can't follow my simple instructions. I also realize that I call him and his sister "crackhead" a lot. I don't know why and I don't know where I picked it up at. I am pretty sure that I heard my sister saying it but not quite certain of that. I am not blaming her for it. I can choose whether to use it or not. At the gas station I found myself calling my son that and yelling at him because he couldn't follow my simple instructions. I also did not concern myself with the fact that I had an audience of several people. I am ashamed of myself and feel like I am not a good mother to my children. My husband, son and myself were on our way to my in-laws house on Saturday. I found myself crying the whole way there. My husband assumed it was because I didn't want to go to his parents house but that is a whole other story. But what it was is that my HEART was BREAKING!! I couldn't handle the fact that I would deliberately HURT someone I loved that way. I reminded myself of my own earthly father. I don't want to be known like him! I want to be known like my Heavenly Father. Full of love and compassion for all. I need patience when it comes to my children. I expect a lot out of them. I don't know why. They are only 11 and 8. They can't be expected to know and do everything PERFECT. I just need to keep reminding myself that.

So, Father God I am officially asking for patience with my children. I know that the trying of my faith develops patience. I know that it is going to be hard but I also know that You don't place more on us than we can handle. I know that You will put on me what I need, and I know that You will be patient with me to help me through it. Help my Lord to know You more and to show Your love to my children and all those around me. Continue to work in my heart and life as You have been. Keep us in Your kind and loving hands. I ask all this in Your Precious and Holy Name. AMEN